Empty Arm Syndrome for Miscarriage & Stillborn Moms

A few years ago my cousin lost one of her twins in utero. It was very sad and she had a hard time dealing with the loss. He was 32 weeks when he passed and when the twins were born at 34 weeks she had to decide what to do with his remains. As many people are deciding these days she had him cremated.

The hospital did a great job with him and preserving any memories of him possible. They took pictures, tried to put clothes on his little body, clipped some hair, and made a beautiful little box for his memories. The funeral home helped my cousin and her husband choose an urn that was gold and heart shaped, perfect for the remains of a tiny person.

About 5 months before she had the twins I had a baby boy and had gotten one of those stuffed bears with the heart beating musical things inside. It played music or a heartbeat to soothe the baby.

Even though she still had one baby to take care of, she still had empty arm syndrome and yearned to hold the other baby, something an urn could not fulfill. In the spirit of trying to help I gave her the teddy bear and told her to put the urn inside, this way, she could hold him, hug him, as she needed. It wasn't the answer to her prayers (to have her baby back) but it did help. She loved the bear and still has it with the urn inside.

Not only did it give the feeling of being able to hold something in his place, but it's something that can easily sit around the home without drawing a ton of attention from visitors and guests. People see a stuffed animal and don't think twice, not the same with a small gold metal heart that brings up a sad subject.

I hope someday to begin getting stuffed animals like these and helping other moms by personalizing them to their baby, in the mean time, I wonder what others think of the idea. Would it have helped you?