No matter what symptoms of miscarriage you have, there always seems to be some kind of hope until a doctor or sonogram confirms you have in fact miscarried. When you first hear it, it might sound distant, like it doesn't apply to you, it's not your life, it's not you in the office being told, or it's all a bad dream.
The realization of the matter hits all of us differently and in different ways. Most doctors hate this part of their jobs, and can be very understanding or extremely disconnected because of the pain it may mean for their patient. It isn't that they don't care (in most cases) just that they have to deliver this bad news and they have no idea how you are going to handle it.
With my experience looking at sonograms I could tell from the 2 we had that there was no blood flow to the fetus and in the second one we had a few days later to confirm, that the sac and fetus had already begun to break apart. When the doctor confirmed it, it had been so crazy that I felt like I was dreaming and was just in a fog.
The most important thing I want to share with anyone who has had a miscarriage is it most likely is NOT your fault. Early miscarriages are often caused by chromosonal defects that could never result in a live birth. Even if you did do something that you think may contribute to your miscarriage there are so many elements that pertain to pregnancy one small instance is so unlikely to cause your miscarriage it's not worth considering.
Later miscarriages can be caused by falls, accidents, viruses (you may not even know you had), or other defects that take the body longer to realize. Some doctors are comtemplating the fact that the body may not be able to identify certain defects until as late as 24 weeks in some cases, causing late, and often times even more upsetting stillbirths.
As for deaths that occur during or close to the birthing process, there is most likely nothing you could do. Sometimes (and sadly enough) these things just happen. I've read a story about a woman's water breaking and causing the babies head to land on and crush the umbilical cord. The baby died from lack of blood flow. This was in Mothering magazine years ago. Instances like this are so uncommon and your chances are a million to one, there is nothing you can do, so don't blame yourself.
When you find out you have miscarried it is so important to let the grief come and allow yourself to go through the process. You will be sad, angry, possibly vengeful, you might try to rationalize it. Do what works for you, but give yourself the time and the right to process what has happened. In order to ever move on, you must process the grief.
The realization of the matter hits all of us differently and in different ways. Most doctors hate this part of their jobs, and can be very understanding or extremely disconnected because of the pain it may mean for their patient. It isn't that they don't care (in most cases) just that they have to deliver this bad news and they have no idea how you are going to handle it.
With my experience looking at sonograms I could tell from the 2 we had that there was no blood flow to the fetus and in the second one we had a few days later to confirm, that the sac and fetus had already begun to break apart. When the doctor confirmed it, it had been so crazy that I felt like I was dreaming and was just in a fog.
The most important thing I want to share with anyone who has had a miscarriage is it most likely is NOT your fault. Early miscarriages are often caused by chromosonal defects that could never result in a live birth. Even if you did do something that you think may contribute to your miscarriage there are so many elements that pertain to pregnancy one small instance is so unlikely to cause your miscarriage it's not worth considering.
Later miscarriages can be caused by falls, accidents, viruses (you may not even know you had), or other defects that take the body longer to realize. Some doctors are comtemplating the fact that the body may not be able to identify certain defects until as late as 24 weeks in some cases, causing late, and often times even more upsetting stillbirths.
As for deaths that occur during or close to the birthing process, there is most likely nothing you could do. Sometimes (and sadly enough) these things just happen. I've read a story about a woman's water breaking and causing the babies head to land on and crush the umbilical cord. The baby died from lack of blood flow. This was in Mothering magazine years ago. Instances like this are so uncommon and your chances are a million to one, there is nothing you can do, so don't blame yourself.
When you find out you have miscarried it is so important to let the grief come and allow yourself to go through the process. You will be sad, angry, possibly vengeful, you might try to rationalize it. Do what works for you, but give yourself the time and the right to process what has happened. In order to ever move on, you must process the grief.
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